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Seeing as how I am the Kazuo Kiriyama comedian extraordinaire, I might as well post what I've learned. Don't mind me if I start to rant :

1. The first sign things are going wrong is when you don't correct yourself for saying "ohsyghen mash" in a falsetto baby voice.
2. It never hurts to run towards armed men with no weapon of your own.
3. Shoot at anyone who even remotely looks friendly, then wonder why people hate your guts.
4. Trust the class whore to come into close quarters with you with a demonic smile on her face.
5. Nevermind that you have homosexual tendencies towards the leader of your gang, always chastise the gay kid for making passes.
6. Massive pools of blood that are visible on clear nights from 20 yards away are hard to see.
7. There is no painful recoil from quickdrawing an Ingram M-10 that fires .45 ACP akimbo style so long as you're the plot device.
8. It's a logical step to throw weapons that might be useful to others in the sea to prove a point.
9. Run towards potential allies making loud sounds without identifying yourself on a common basis.
10. Renounce any religious beliefs the second you justifiably kill a psychopath with an axe.
11. Always hate on the man who saves your ass when being held up by a prepubescent schoolboy. It's natural.
12. Boys who defend themselves from definite bodily harm and cry about it are demon-boys. Definitely.
13. Don't mind that everyone is armed with some sort of weapon, always be the first to walk out in the open and order a ceasefire based on your saintliness.
14. Begin your dying words by pissing off the only other person who can help you.
15. There is no spoon; there also is no fork, but slash it at anyone who comes your way. It'll wound them horribly.
16. Your free time should consist of learning how to hack, calculating new ways to mix up vitriolous chemicals and basketball games.
17. Point guns at and threaten girls who had the opportunity to blast you away yet didn't.
18. Portions of your life best spent trying not to get killed should instead be spent talking about political vices and sitting around.
19. Never point an eyebrow at a teenager with a shotgun and a bad smoking habit on how he won the last Battle Royale he was in or why he's helping you.
20. Most people in a totalitarian Japan readily know volumes of information about rock and illegal technology.
21. First thought on your mind when surviving a living nightmare should be related to your pimples.
22. The best times to light up a cigarette is when a person has blood poisoning and during life-or-death struggles.
23. Forget that other "survival" crap, wasting time getting boxes of cigs is where it's at dawg!
24. Cajole jocks who can run as fast as you and are armed into shooting your way on an open field.
25. Putting a man's eyes out with your fingernails and killing him with an ice pick is very humorous.
26. Crossbows never need to be reloaded and should never be used to kill armed psychopaths.
27. Never succumb to emotions of revenge for the death of the only women who ever gave a damn about your well-being, because that wouldn't be right.
28. If you can't paint yourself red, fire a shot into the air to catch attention.
29. Thoughts of love come natural when thinking of a wounded girl who was the last love of your best friend.
30. Stay close to the Matrix wannabe with a machinegun; it's not like one of his bullets might kill you in the middle of a dogfight.
31. Wait around for people to come out of dark places, they won't have figured out you're following them and emerge guns blazing.
32. Taking women from behind is the customary 'hello' most men give girls they just met.
33. Bullet wounds leave no blood, so don't check for red splatter or a pulse.
34. Break into time better spent looking for your friend's killer to search for a girl who never said she liked you.
35. Ammo better used baiting should be otherwise shot into inanimate objects like walls and tractors.
36. The dorky main character survives all situations with a gash and a lesson learned.
37. School-issue coats are indestructible and are heat-resistant to boot.
38. Innocent people always walk towards you knife at hand and with a shiteating grin on their face (sorry for the profanity, but Iijima sucked and blowed at the same time).
39. No one died in Hiroshima, they all hid in their cars to avoid the atomic bomb. That's how Japan won World War 2.
40. People better used as a human shield outlast geniuses with a golden heart because of plot twists.
41. Stovingpiping during a gunfight can be prevented by actually loading up the firearm first.
42. Quiet gang leaders all have the balance of a professional ballerina.
43. Not the torso, not the head- always aim for the crotch to kill someone.
44. A whore going from an attempt to kill you to offering a free hummer is commonplace when the goal of the day is to kill everyone around you.
45. It doesn't matter that it's loaded with .357 magnum slugs, a Colt Python fires exactly like a handgun with no pause in between shots.
46. Touching yourself makes you blind, but getting screwed to death is AOK in Mom's book.
47. All conflicts started in human history began when a crazy women tried to get rid of the man in the house.
48. Athletics in Asian schools also involves learning how to fire guns without taking the safety off.
49. Liberally show your best martial arts skills to the first person you see, as there is nil to no chance that they have a photogenic memory.
50. Small blades totally own guys who can dodge a Long Colt bullet at close range with no effort.
51. Men who use women as booty calls with no intent of hooking up totally trumps guys with no intent on killing with grievous wounds (that would have killed anyone else) asking for a ceasefire.
52. Don't listen to last wishes, there's no point in heeding the words of the dying.
53. Single-shot 45 caliber bullets are way more powerful than .357 rounds fired in succession.
54. The best recourse to survive confrontations with living gods who can dodge bullets in midair is to shoot more bullets their way.
55. Killing people with a penchant to survive anything is a great time to take a break and drop your only weapon.
56. There is no chance that 15 year-olds who survived a gascan bomb, beat the next Bruce Lee and survived a shot to the head would ever fake their death.
57. Fat men are evil and should be stabbed to death for the crime of obesity.
58. The smallest wounds that leave trace amounts of gunshot wound evidence are the only thing that can stop a chainsmoker who puts himself in danger daily.
59. Running off to a foreign land should not be followed by learning the native tongue.

And at 60:

60. Kazuo Kiriyama rocks the socks. He could only be better if he turned into a pirate.