Battle Royale Caledonia - an OBR. Hour 2 Now online, all other chapters redrafted and updated! - Fandom - Discussion Areas - Battle Royale Forums @ battleroyalefilm.net - Message Board

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Vizier Mountian		#81	[-]
Posts: 1427 (10/13/09 08:15:18) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	So when will we see new chapters? My 2nd favourite carecter after Charlotte is now Girl #2 as she is playing from the start.
KaoriRocks		#82	[-]
Posts: 804 (10/15/09 14:03:12) MegumiRocks Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Well done addy - so far so good Elyse is looking strong at the moment, but i just cannot see winner in her- she screams mitsuko death to me, too of the main killers fighting to the death and she isn't strong enough... Jade and David got one paragraph Keep it up... ps: no rush !
addyboy		#83	[-]
Posts: 527 (10/15/09 14:09:28) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Next chapters...when I do them ha ha! More seriously, Hour 2 I'm about half way through, but it's proving tricky because the negative reviews of Hour 1 means there's things I need to do differently. I'm also trying to fix up the earlier chapters, I'll list the changes in full when I get them done and posted, but here's some ideas: Pre-Game - "Origins of the Anti-Clique" flashback is being moved to Hour 4, though it won't be changed beyond that, nor will the rest of that chapter. Hour 0 - Streamlining the reactions. Dave and Jade actually get less time in hour 0 now than they currently do, as do all characters who aren't core to the plot here. It does however look a lot cleaner and more organised, since the reactions are efficiently divided into those to the Program itself and those to the death. Zoey has been added to the former category, several have been switched. Hour 1 - the Elyse/Manuel "fight" now actually becomes one when it's extended, though the result doesn't change. Other changes you'll just have to wait and see! Hour 3 is gonna be a fair while I think because that's much harder to do; Hour 2 is the last of the introductory type chapters so I need to get a better idea of the specifics of where I'm going after this (I've got the last 8 chapters pretty well exactly figured out, but not much of the ones before that beyond the core events believe it or not!) To please you both, I can tell you that 3 of the core characters in Hour 2 are Amber, Dave and Jade! Oh, and the whole thing will be 64/65 hours. Thanks for reading guys! This user is a drunken sarcastic Scottish student. 'Mon then ya bawbag if ye've got a problem wi' that!
meissieri		#84	[-]
Posts: 509 (10/15/09 23:52:07) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Oh that sounds excellent, Addy. I love how you're taking the negative reviews into consideration and try to fix things up as indeed I thought the two deaths lacked a little description, so I'm anxious to read how you're upgrading them! Oh and I noticed on Katie's facebook something about Shanae being in hour two (as she added me and I fell right onto that message) but "You couldn't say much just in case I or Robert would see it." haha. That sounds intriguing XD. Can't wait to read the next hour.
addyboy		#85	[-]
Posts: 528 (10/17/09 11:56:18) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	To be honest, there isn't much I can do with Zoey's death, even if I rewrote the chapter. It's a quick death that happens without a lot of warning and within a few seconds, so even with padding I can't really extend it. Feel free to suggest a way if you think I'm missing something though, and I mean that genuinely not sarcastically! I can however make the reactions throughout the chapter look a bit better since they're clumsily done right now. What you saw on Facebook...ha ha yeah. Kate's role as editor is actually more than just simple grammar and style stuff, I can go over ideas with her before they actually get put to paper. Specifically that wasn't anything much the one you saw, as Shanae doesn't have a big role in the chapter. All characters do feature however, and that was just about how I was going to write that part (which I now have). Reviews good and bad I definitely take into account, no matter how much I think and plan things through, even with an editor, until people like yourselves see the results there's no way of knowing what will and will not work and I always knew some things would work better than others, meaning the latter need to be fixed if I can. Hour 2 will definitely be shorter than Hour 1 as there's more characters I can largely skip over because I already said what needed to be said about them at this stage in the Pre-Game. Everyone should appear at least once every 10 chapters if they're still alive I expect, not sure yet whether there's any exceptions. Last night by the way I managed to completely plan out what happens with several characters, including getting a much better picture of how a very major sub-plot from about half way through goes. I still intend actually being reduced to tears myself at the end of that plot due to just how emotionally charged it will be written - be warned, I am something of a sadistic author, and the secondary genre of the book on FanFiction.net is listed as "tragedy" for a VERY good reason (or several really). Put it this way, you won't be complaining that many of the deaths later on are too short. And if anyone is familiar with Joss Whedon's legendary evilness when it comes to the idea of his characters being happy, I make him look saintly towards his when you consider how I am to mine This user is a drunken sarcastic Scottish student. 'Mon then ya bawbag if ye've got a problem wi' that!
addyboy		#86	[-]
Posts: 529 (11/03/09 18:15:22) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Hour 2 is now completely finished, it's going online as soon as I've fixed up the earlier chapters! Just a few days now I hope! This user is a drunken sarcastic Scottish student. 'Mon then ya bawbag if ye've got a problem wi' that!
addyboy		#87	[-]
Posts: 530 (11/06/09 19:27:48) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Yes folks it's time, it's here! Hour 2: Twin Veils - Denial is now online! But wait, there's more! I've updated all the other chapters! Below are the changes made! Changes: Class Roster: Roy and Alexander have been swapped in the roster, Josue's gun has been changed to a Walther PPK and Olly's to a Colt .45 revolver. The former is changed for plot reasons, the latter to reflect actually learning something about gun classifications. On Fanfiction.net, a legal disclaimer/author note has been added. Prologue: The people at the end are no longer referred to as "Mr X" etc, there's a few other changes of that nature towards the end. Pre-Game: The biggest change is that the flashback, "Origins of the Anti-Clique" has been removed and will now appear, largely unaltered, in Hour 4. Rahne is now seen daydreaming about the holiday as her reason for not listening to the continued Anti-Clique rant. The other big change is that I've fixed a huge error in the Drama Club's bit which resulted in people not knowing who was saying what. This was caused by, somehow, the accidental removal of two important paragraphs between the first and final (and one intermediate) drafts. I have no idea how this happened, but it's the ones below. You can see them in the text now, it should all make sense. "You know what I'm really going to miss actually? The auditions to even get into the plays." Elyse had a look of relish in her eyes as she spoke. "I mind when Mr Quirrel first arrived in S2? So different from how it used to be. I mean for the S1 play all you needed to do was beg enough and you'd get the part, after that we really starting needing to prove ourselves." "Not that I'm trying to massage your ego, but knowing Quirrel it couldn't have been anything else, I mean since when did he ever hand out favours?" There was a slight grinding of teeth as Andrew mockingly glared at her. Hour 0: The reactions of the students have been completely rewritten. They're now divided into two categories with much less random back-and-forthing between the main events of the scene and the reactions of random people. Those events are the announcement of the Program itself and the death. Zoey and Adam have been added to the former category, several have been switched, and the only one that hasn't been altered at all is Holly's reaction to the former. Basically, everyone else's has been made much much shorter, though Scott's, the single sentence that it was anyway, is technically about five words longer since Adam's been added. Now that I know more about the island the Program takes place on I've removed erroneous references to there being more than one school and to the school being an imposing building. Several redundancies in Holly and her father's dialoge have been removed, with the threats against the Morgan family now being more relevant to Hour 2. The references to previous Programs in other countries now accurately reflect what is stated in the Prologue rather than flat-out contradicting it. Hour 1: Basically the whole chapter has been rewritten. Let's make this as full as possible... Almost every scene of a student checking their bag has been removed, with the exception of Elyse and everyone between Jenna and Josue. This is the only major change to some students but it's still a paragraph gone. Roz has been reduced to a single paragraph, much of Kevin has been removed as well. The Elyse/Manuel encounter has been lengthened so the first couple of strikes now miss. Hannah is almost entirely unchanged, just a couple of sentences altered. She has received almost the least changes. Adam has seen a few of the pop culture references fixed (paper flowers rather than purple flowers, etc) and the bag-checking bit removed. Charlotte through to Jake are now covered in a single 70 word paragraph rather than separate sections totalling 1000 words. Jenna, Scott, Jemi and Josue are almost entirely unchanged, with just a few redundancies fixed and none whatsoever for Scott. Val through to Tash are now covered in 100 words between them rather than 1000 words separately. Layne checking his bag has been removed. All chapters: Various minor stylistic or grammatical alterations made, none of which significantly affect things. Redundancies or cases of "overbearing narrator", duplication and/or repetition have been altered in places. This user is a drunken sarcastic Scottish student. 'Mon then ya bawbag if ye've got a problem wi' that!

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Battle Royale Caledonia - an OBR. Hour 2 Now online, all other chapters redrafted and updated!

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